My title word is one of my favorites. I don’t often share testimonies because, really, what struggles have I had that could really be compared objectively to the crushing weights and pains that so many of my friends deal with on a daily basis? It sounds so self-absorbed to talk about your heartbreak when others have it so much worse. But if I’ve learned anything over the past eight months, one of the lessons is that people are different. What cuts at the soul of one person may not bother another’s. Pain is valid. It’s not something we can completely control. And telling your story may be one of the best ways to touch the life of another. This isn’t going to be the details of my story, but merely one stream of thoughts emanating from it.
What is a goal? A journey? A quest? In my mind it’s something you never give up on. Something you want to achieve, and you’ll stop at nothing to get there. I suppose you could call something a quest and not be dedicated to it. But then, wouldn’t it be rather a failed one? Determination. A very Slytherin concept. Which is awkward of me to love since fairly nothing but Pottermore places me in that house. Say what you will. At any rate, it was God’s concept first, so I’m allowed to cherish it.
When something, or someone, shatters your heart, you have to be very careful how you proceed. Emotions are raw and ugly and can manifest in so many ways. And it’s crazy easy to get caught up in fixing it. Listen close now. Because just because something is easy or natural doesn’t mean it’s automatically wrong. In fact, it can be so right that you end up composing a creative nonfiction piece about it because you believe so strongly that it is right. But it’s still very easy. And that’s where the careful proceeding comes in. You have to beg God for clarity and wisdom. Because determination on the wrong quest can be deadly. I know. I’ve been there. That’s what got me into the heartbreak to start with. Or partially. Death is separation. Death can look like the destruction of something delicate and stunning, a friendship which had been woven by God’s own hand to provide edification, love, and joy. The wrong quest, in my case, a quest to be loved by someone else, can often lead to such death. But the right quest. Oh, the right quest is a thing to be prized above much. When you search the truths of God, and He guides you to that quest, hang on and never give up. I’m hanging on, and absolutely nothing, not time, not pain, not rejection, not seeming stagnation or futility will stop me from moving forward, doing my best to succeed, with my God beside me, giving me grace all the way.
Do you want to know what that quest is? Well, if you’ve read this far, I sort of hope so. It’s to love. Fiercely. First, God. And second, others. And they are inseparably intertwined. What we do for another human being, we do for God. And those He has graciously allowed us to choose to love in close relationship are the ones we need to hold in our hearts and never stop seeking to do what is best for. It can be very tricky to know what that is at times. But God will guide us, as we keep that as the constant quest of our hearts. Always.